I sprang out of bed after the nightmare.I creeped out of bed without waking John and went into the bathroom.I pulled my shirt up a bit and looked at the incision scar that went from my bellybutton to my abdomen.I took one of my pills in the medicine cabinet and went back to bed.The next morning I went to see my therapist,Dr.Browning.I told her that maybe I’m having these nightmares because me and John are going to look at kids during the week to adopt one.I also told her that I passed by a liquor store on my way here.She asked if I went inside and I told her I didn’t,but I was tempted too.Dr.Browning told me that if I could resist going inside than I could handle being an adoptive mother.
As soon as I left Dr.Browning’s office,I went to pick up Maxie from school.I got out of the car and a few minutes later,Maxie came running towards me.She showed me the picture she drew of a butterfly and I told her(in sign language of course)that it was beautiful.We got in the car and while I was at a stop light,I got so distracted that a truck almost hit us.At the house,I was playing the piano while something kept constantly banging against the house.I marched outside and saw Max trying to shoot a basket.I yelled at her to stop and Max said that she was sorry but I apologized and told her that I shouldn’t have yelled.A few seconds later,John pulled up into the drive way with Danny.Danny ran out of the car,took the ball from Max and threw the ball into the hoop.John took it from him and handed it to Max,lifting her up so she could reach the basket.I tried saying hi to Danny,but he rushed past me to go play.
Later that night,I tucked Maxie into bed.Maxie took out her hearing aid and I asked her if she wanted to read a bedtime story.She nodded and grabbed a book,but I told her to choose a different one since we always read that one.She begged so I read it to her.The story is about Max and how happy she is because she’s getting a baby sister,but Baby Jessica died and went to Heaven.Max was happy she went to Heaven,but wishes she could have met her.Max asked if Baby Jessica was an angel and I told her that she is a beautiful angel.After kissing Max goodnight,I went to the bedroom and into the bathroom to take my pills.I jumped when I saw John in the mirror and said he was sorry.He took my hand and brought me to bed and I said
“Even thought I’m not having second thoughts about adopting,I’m excited and nervous.I haven’t felt this way since I thought we were bringing Baby Jessica home.”John told me that we shouldn’t adopt for his sake and I told him that we aren’t and that I really want to take the love I had for Jessica and give it to someone
else.
As soon as I left Dr.Browning’s office,I went to pick up Maxie from school.I got out of the car and a few minutes later,Maxie came running towards me.She showed me the picture she drew of a butterfly and I told her(in sign language of course)that it was beautiful.We got in the car and while I was at a stop light,I got so distracted that a truck almost hit us.At the house,I was playing the piano while something kept constantly banging against the house.I marched outside and saw Max trying to shoot a basket.I yelled at her to stop and Max said that she was sorry but I apologized and told her that I shouldn’t have yelled.A few seconds later,John pulled up into the drive way with Danny.Danny ran out of the car,took the ball from Max and threw the ball into the hoop.John took it from him and handed it to Max,lifting her up so she could reach the basket.I tried saying hi to Danny,but he rushed past me to go play.
Later that night,I tucked Maxie into bed.Maxie took out her hearing aid and I asked her if she wanted to read a bedtime story.She nodded and grabbed a book,but I told her to choose a different one since we always read that one.She begged so I read it to her.The story is about Max and how happy she is because she’s getting a baby sister,but Baby Jessica died and went to Heaven.Max was happy she went to Heaven,but wishes she could have met her.Max asked if Baby Jessica was an angel and I told her that she is a beautiful angel.After kissing Max goodnight,I went to the bedroom and into the bathroom to take my pills.I jumped when I saw John in the mirror and said he was sorry.He took my hand and brought me to bed and I said
“Even thought I’m not having second thoughts about adopting,I’m excited and nervous.I haven’t felt this way since I thought we were bringing Baby Jessica home.”John told me that we shouldn’t adopt for his sake and I told him that we aren’t and that I really want to take the love I had for Jessica and give it to someone
else.


